shipmaster | (no subject)

[If nothing else, Bel is sensitive to instincts. That first flinch gets a surge of hope and a pang of longing (mourning?).

Whatever this is (is this it? God! Please let it be it) it's not a seizure. Miles is very there, almost electrically present for how much it doesn't seem to even be over yet.

The grip is almost painful, full of a force Miles had never been able to exert on his more delicate fingers before the bones were replaced. Bel makes no move to break it at all..

The gesture slides a little, down his face, curious, testing.]

You have. The only thing keeping you alive sometimes.

[ He's over the crest of it now. The trembling begins to slow a little bit at a time, until he's only shaking faintly in Bel's arms. He hardly seems to notice, though. It doesn't matter what his body is doing because he remembers, dammit. Not everything - his Barrayaran memories are particularly stubborn, something he's not going to resolve any time soon - but so much more than he had. He could cry from the sheer relief and pain of it all. There's a few tears rolling down his cheeks now.

That grip doesn't lessen one bit. He begins to laugh quietly, sounding a little unhinged. ]

Yes. Yes, you're right. God, how many times did we get through by the edge of our teeth?

[The laugh in answer was almost strangled sounding. What were they feeling right now? Joy, remorse at having brought Miles this low? Relief that by little more than will and frustration, Miles was clawing his way back out of his own grave, memory and breath at a time? Bel didn't know. Their arms were going to have bruises.]

I did say you never brought us boring missions.

...

Welcome back, sir.

[ He remembers what Bel has done, now, but here's too much floating around in there for him to parse it just yet. One piece at a time. And the most important part is just getting used to have his head full of information again. Everything else will have to wait a moment.

He manages a wild sort of grin. Pained, but wholly his again. ]

It's damn good to be back. I was going mad. [ Another sharp laugh. ] If you were hoping for an explanation on this one, I'm sorry to say I don't have one.

I'm not sure if I can say that I'm glad that not even you has the hidden cards on this one.

[They settle... not withdrawing their hold, or contact for now. Not until Miles himself pulls back. For all they know, this is the last time.]

[ It helps that Miles' Barrayaran instincts are the first to be suppressed in the name of figuring himself back out again. For now, he lets himself lean against Bel out of practicality more than anything else. ]

I truly wish I did. But the last thing I have is the Duronas. And you hadn't even found me yet, had you ...

No. We were still wildly searching the Nexus... instead of Jackson's Whole.

In some ways, I'm glad for whatever this is. You were in uncountable danger where you were.

[ A real shiver goes through him this time, not seizure or memory induced. ]

In the very belly of the beast. And with no memories on top of that. I wonder if this is all some Jacksonian plot to begin with ...

No. The setup was too chaotic to have been planned, even by a master. There's no hints that Norwood was-

Norwood had your cryocamber. He was pinned down by fire, took it to Shipping and Receiving during the extraction. He had said "The Admiral will get out of here even if we don't."

[Norwood certainly hadn't.]

Everything is a riot right now.

Edited 2016-10-30 01:53 (UTC)

[ Miles bows his head, another shiver going through him. ]

I'm sorry, Captain. I can't imagine how frantic all of you were.

[ His next instinct is to ask if his family had been told too, but - who? What family? His memories of his parents and home planet seem strangely unrealistic. ]

Edited 2016-10-30 01:58 (UTC)

More than worrying about that, we need to get back. Commander Quinn...

[Probably still hasn't slept, unless Bothari-Jesek is still as clever with a hypospray.]

Ah. Quinn will be beside herself. With you and Taura here ...

[ His expression immediately warms, thinking of her. ]

And I can't imagine she wants me dead either.

She has a list at this point. You are anything but on it.

Ah. Of course. God, I miss her ... I miss the whole outfit. I even miss rat bars.

[ His voice is thick with the sharpness of his longing. One downside of now remembering almost everything. ]

[They try. Miles can SEE them try. Perhaps it's the emotional weight, the strain of everything recently, but it just strikes them as direly funny.]

I wouldn't go THAT far.

[ Ah, but that's good to see anyway. Somehow normalizing to joke about that kind of thing. ]

Faced with a literal mountain of crab ... I miss them a little.

A little. I'll give you a little.

Just so.

[ He looks up at Bel now, as if finally seeing them for the first time. In some ways, he sort of is. His expression turns conflicted for a moment as he compares recent memory with those he'd forgotten until just now. Weighing all of Bel's behavior on his mental scales. ]

Ah ... I have to commend you, Captain.

[That was like a lightning strike. Bel's eyes go wide, they straighten in a bolt and start pulling back-away.]

No. [There is actual anguish there. The break is sealed fast, chin lifted, and eyes level, even through the standing water in them.] I'm no longer in command, besides.

[ Miles lets them go. There's a hint of his old awkwardness now in the way he holds himself. Not quite so demonstrative now. Most important, perhaps, is the flicker of steel behind his eyes. He remembers how unfinished their previous conversation was. ]

Has someone relieved you already then? Quinn, in my absence?

[They stand then, composure returning in full. Arms clasped behind their back, they're at crisp and perfect military attention.]

Yes, sir. I was placed on house arrest. [A half smile breaks here.] Guarding myself. [All the very mixed implications of that were clear. Still trusted, still useful, but in such deep shit.]

The trial and punishment were to hold until you were found and restored.

[ Miles wobbles back to his feet, still a bit woozy but capable enough. He looks Bel up and down again, his gaze cool and measuring. ]

Ah. I see. [ All the implications thereof. Bless Quinn for having such a good head on her shoulders. ] Then I have one question for you.

[They take a deep breath and seem to hold it.]

Sir.

[ This is the all important detail. He suspects he knows the answer - could he even have asked the question already? - even post-cascade, his mind is full of holes - but in any case, he must ask. ]

When did you realize you were dealing with Mark?

Almost immediately. [And at that, Bel's gaze finally drops. Something in them softens a little bit.]

He said 'clone,' and not brother. I tested, to be sure a few times but...

It was obvious.

[Another breath, another exhale, as they simply and knowingly seal their own coffin.] I wanted what he wanted to do. I don't regret it.

But I knew he wouldn't take help. Not from me, especially not from you. He had to 'trick' me into it.