shipmaster | (no subject)

[Bel blew out a small breath. There was no surprise there : Quinn's opinions on living downside was no secret to anyone.

... Though, they supposed if anyone has earned a midlife crisis of that level, it would be Miles.]

Walking back, then - I disagree. She and Elena are your ranking officers. Surely there's a way.

[ Miles' tone goes strained to the point of breaking. ]

I'll get better. And - if anyone finds out, I'll be grounded, perhaps permanently. I'm going to be trapped on Barrayar for long enough as it is...

[ It's a thought that's genuinely terrifying to him. Given how he still doesn't quite believe his Barrayaran memories. What if he gets there and finds himself an alien on his own homeworld? ]

Edited 2016-11-09 22:20 (UTC)

[Bel could understand... And didn't really know anything about his life on that planet... Miles did always seem so alive and eager to get going that it wasn't hard to believe that this was the better life... No one with Barrayaran ties, then.]

Fine... But someone should be with you on missions who knows what to look for, how to handle it and cover if we need to.

[ Miles goes still again, but it's an electrifying stillness. His gray eyes light up for the first time since starting this conversation.. ]

Just so. A personal bodyguard, of sorts. Important to be outside the chain of command as well.

... True, direct reporting removes a lot of potentially conflicting interests.

[That look.. ] Whatever it is rattling around up there, out with it.

[ Miles just continues onward, waiting for Bel to catch up with him. ]

Someone who knows me well. Who does know what to look for, and has dealt with it in a combat situation.

So far, that's only myself and Taura. I'm not sure who else you'd trust that far outside of the usual suspects.

[ Miles gives Bel a rather meaningful look. ]

Exactly. I need you, Bel.

[There's is a certain sort of silently stunned of someone not quite daring to hope after having resigned... ]

That... Might work. It could fly on a couple of counts.

[ Good. That's a good sign. Miles' own hope is still terribly tremulous in his chest. ]

You would have to resign your commission. But you would stay with the Dendarii. You'd still be involved in command decisions ...

[ And Miles doesn't have to exile them. And he can pretend like that betrayal never happened. ]

[Bel pulls back, setting their hands on their lap to twist them, the only outlet for the wild energy generated by thought. Guarding Miles was... no small task. It took the whole damn fleet sometimes. They'd need to get better at close combat for certain.

God, they want to say yes, immediately. They've been following along behind Miles so long, and so far that the idea of NOT trailing after to see what mess came out of THIS idea was just... emptying.

It could probably get through the Inners too. Busted down, removed from command... and set up to guard the life Bel got voided to start with. There was a certain karma...

It was just...]

One thing... [They hold up a finger, knowing damn well they're not in a position to demand, but... there's no way to make this WORK otherwise.] If I think you're topped off on stress - or whatever we pin down, I get to say no to you personally taking on missions. My judgement on that. You get absolute rule everywhere else.

[ Ah. That's a concession they will probably fight over, in actuality, but in theory? Miles can't argue with it. Hell, Miles won't argue with it. ]

Agreed. As my bodyguard, it would be natural for you to make such decisions. Lest I endanger myself terribly that way.

[Probably a lot, but for now...

This could world. This could really work. Bel can't help but smile, the first one to reach their eyes since the surface of that planet.]

Agreed, then. Let me know how I can help you get it past the usual committee.

[ Miles considers that. ]

Not too much. Given how unhappy I was about demoting you at all, they'll take it as a concession.

You really are too kind for this business. But I suppose that's why we all follow you.

[ Miles just grins a bit evilly at that. ]

Well, your first assignment is coming with me to Barrayar.

What?

I'm going to need something stable in my life while I'm there. Or I may break under the strain of trying to remember.

[ He is still rather deathly afraid of going home and feeling alien. Having someone from the Dendarii will help allay those fears. ]

Well, between the two of us, we'll give em something to look at. [Oh god, this is going to mean ... meeting the Vorkosigans.. possibly Illyan... possibly every small terror that world had to offer. There were a LOT. They weren't scared of the people or the prejudice but the top brass...]

Just so. Should be interesting. [ A pause... ] If you would like to go by a different pronoun while we're there, you would likely pass well enough.

[Bel's face screws up with undisguised distaste.] Absolutely not. I'd rather bring a stunner than leave my pride behind, sir.

[ Miles' grin looks a bit lopsided at that. ]

Good. I admit I'd have been a bit unhappy with that, but ..

[ He sobers. ]

Don't underestimate the prejudice either.

[They do, at least, stop and think about that, rather than give the usual devil may care face. Bel has done the research.]

No... I figured you were out here for a reason.

[ Miles nods at that. It's all a muddled mess yet, but some patterns have emerged. This is one of them. ]

A number of reasons. I feel as though I must have been very cramped on Barrayar.

[That was the first they'd heard of that, though. Their brow raises and Bel takes a sip of tea.]

How so?