[ Oh. That - evokes a complex mess of emotions from him, to the point where his first instinct is to jerk back. Before, he'd been just a bit too Barrayaran to consider any sort of relationship with Bel. Now ... the Barrayaran half of his psyche is muddled and routed, still fragmented in comparison to his Admiral Naismith persona. But he remembers feeling awkward still, and it's awkward now ...
But he also remembers sitting here in the sand and thinking of both Bel and Taura as being ferociously attractive. He'd been so disappointed they wouldn't sleep with him. An old shade rises up too, now that he can remember it: of feeling too stunted and distorted to deserve physical affection of any sort. It's made him incredibly weak to anyone who shows genuine affection to him. He's weak to it now, despite the many, many layers of complexity involved.
Fuck. Why does everything need to be so complicated? Can't he do this once anyway? He and Quinn are all but done, and Taura is a singular relationship all her own. Just once, Bel had said.
It's a long and perilous moment, but he relaxes at the end of it, reaching up with his other hand to cup the back of Bel's head. Just once, he wants this too. ]
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But he also remembers sitting here in the sand and thinking of both Bel and Taura as being ferociously attractive. He'd been so disappointed they wouldn't sleep with him. An old shade rises up too, now that he can remember it: of feeling too stunted and distorted to deserve physical affection of any sort. It's made him incredibly weak to anyone who shows genuine affection to him. He's weak to it now, despite the many, many layers of complexity involved.
Fuck. Why does everything need to be so complicated? Can't he do this once anyway? He and Quinn are all but done, and Taura is a singular relationship all her own. Just once, Bel had said.
It's a long and perilous moment, but he relaxes at the end of it, reaching up with his other hand to cup the back of Bel's head. Just once, he wants this too. ]